Well the time has come. Fantasy regular season has ended and the playoffs are now upon us. Been a great competition this year. Everyone was on top of their teams and have a lot to be proud of. Some drama per usual but my commissioner report card comes back with an outstanding A+. Another great job by me. Putting out fires, helping others sent their lineups in times of need, Controlling Cindy’s fair and balanced like Fox News. Had a lot on my shoulders and did a great job with our highly competitive league.
Lets take a look at the final standings and playoff match-ups to look forward towards. All 6 make post season and Division winners have first rd byes. Tie breakers were points formed for the season.
Enough of the PC commish talk. Now time to castrate (except that broad Eagles fraud Cindy) all of you. Make you look in the mirror and see all your failures.
GENO 911 6-7
Only one man to thank for all of us making the playoffs, shout out to Geno 911 for that rule proposal. I listen and react like any great commissioner. Of course when the change was made Geno 911 was at the bottom of the league fearing for his pride. Probably didn’t think he’d rally to win his division. A real rags to riches story. Of course its the weaker division. Not one of them having a winning record. So congrats Victor on your team up lining up next to a bunch of 3’s and 4’s to make yourself look like a 10. In all seriousness he did rally and had to make a plethora of moves this season. Cause his team was TRASH. Look at his roster now, half these guys weren’t on his team until this month. This past week he only had 2 guys playing that also played on his team in week 1. Taking advantage of other players getting hurt then picking up the back-up. Real smooth. I’d give Geno 911 the barbie plastic surgery award of the year. Updating and improving all his weakness. A little lipo-suction with Phillip Lindsay, Nose job withe some Jameis Winston/Fitzmagic, Hoodwinking Cindy into a getting Mike Evans so she can have Carson Wentz. Your team is like the girl that had braces and was a freckly red head in school that moved to LA got a boob job and blonde hair and let ever D-list actor fill her holes up like Ray Lewis. Enjoy your bye week. I personally hope we meet in the Championship so I submit your team into oblivion.
What a rise and fall its been for G-force this season. Came out like gang busters the first half of the season. Pressed all the right buttons. Make subs each week that crushed. Did his homework and lived up to the name as G-force as he was 6-1, most points scored in the league and was rolling. But unfortunately he got shot into outer space and became weightless like Neil Armstrong (allegedly) and all the G-force was GONE. Colder than Kelvin, and funny enough you have a one Kelvin Benjamin on your team. Maybe you can get heat up again and come back down to gravity if you drop that sub zero stench bum. Losing 6 in a row now! and all time tank job. Still scored second most points so definitely a threat but will need to rise from the dead like the undertaker. The award I give team G-force is the Limp Bizkit-Counterfeit award. Going from 1st in the east to last. Your team was fake! And when the leaves changed so did your team! It aint apple picking season no more G-Force! Need to find yourself some good luck this week! P.S Hi Briana!
Double Dickie 6-7
Good old Double Dickie another one that started hot and then wet the bed. Hey 6-7 isn’t bad for a married man but your not setting the BAR very high for us when we’re married in the future. Too bad Tom Brady has lost some of his lust this year. Maybe he really is 41. Also whats been double hurting you has been the polar bear Gronk been sitting out most the season. Thank God you’ve lost some of that weight because the holidays and your team being eliminated are sure a crutch to gain 20 back. Well hey at least you have those one on one victory’s against me from September. I’m a man I can’t back down from that. Beat me fair and square you big keto bear. Your team accumulated 2037 points this year. lets hope that’s been your daily calorie intake.
Team Aiken 7-6
Well the only other team in the league that had a winning record this season. Congratulations. Honored someone joined me up here. Funny enough with you being the only other but you were late to setting your lineups so many times this year. The lazy black guy snoozing his way to a winning record. That’s whats beautiful about fantasy football. We don’t see race here. Started the year by controversially taking Belichick as coach when Victor had a Belichick pun as his name and was forced to change it after that. Wold be full circle poetry for Team Aiken to lose to Geno 911 in the next round. Will Aiken trust the experienced old Jew Big Ben or will he take his chances on the kid Goff. Certainly could make a run but I don’t fear him. Half his loses were against me so lets hope for one more.
Team Cindy 5-8
Last and least would be Team Cindy. Least amount of wins in the league. To be fair she did not get to draft her team due to ESPN making it weird and not letting her in. But her team has always looked at as a powerful team. She has the right talent on her team. Computers drafting don’t lie but they will draft too much at one position and leave you with holes. Her main issue that has cost her a couple weeks in a row now is her fake love for the Philadelphia Eagles. Her commitment to Carson Wentz is unmitigated. That’s a loyal woman right there. Another sign shes ready for marriage and currently engaged. She is not to be messed with. Only one game back of her division and she scored the most in the division. Would’ve had a first round bye if it came to a tie. I take half credit and half blame for her team. I’ve been ghost managing it all year with her graces. best part about her team is the Kareem Hunt is on our girls team. They only fantasy player to get in trouble and released for on video assault on a women. Just perfect. Too bad he’s letting women down one more time by screwing Cindy right as the playoffs start!
Make America Gritty Again 9-4
Finally done talking about these second hand teams and on to the real team. Riding the MAGA train to a title choo choo! No one has touched me in months. Most points scored in the league, even with 3rd most points against. Just unstoppable. We have the most white guys in the league another thing im proud of. I’m the belichick of this league. pushing all the right buttons. Even with some of my injuries and Aaron Rodgers being a punk all year we fought thru. my first 2 picks were barely in my starting lineup. This is what MAGA is about though. We’re about the little guy. The gritty and grinders of the league. Not about superstar and celebrity. Getting Patrick Mahomes a few weeks in was a game changer. Thanks to Le’veon Bell for leading Victor on so John Connor had great value. We have a couple bumps going into post season but not concerned. AJ green out for year, next man up. Thielen has to start playing better again, Fornuette needs to stop punching people, Nick Chubb needs to keep that thing erect, and hopefully everyone on Mahomes team touch women less than Jermaine for the rest of the season please! If this happens it will be an easy ride to the finish line.
The punishment rumors have been brutal allegations so far. From forced fed food to throw up to public embarrassment. None of it sounds fun and to be honest we cant allow Double Dickie to win it all. His mind is too dark and he has too much bad intentions. That is my only fear.